Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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