can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
