And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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