Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
