I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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