I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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