my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's rum buckets o'clock
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
