R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
