your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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