Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
