I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
