i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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