Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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