i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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