this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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