; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
