Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
