Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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