She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Even my vagina gasped.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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