4 words: hood of his car
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
