I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
