theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
