it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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