he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
