the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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