I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
