he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it glows. i had to have it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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