I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
