Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
