totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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