dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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