he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
