I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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