i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
