Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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