he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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