i think i have two assholes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
