So drunk, too bad you don't want this
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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