Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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