you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
