Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
