my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
