haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
