I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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