even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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