Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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