you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
