OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
