And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
