Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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