So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
