If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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