I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
