I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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