So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
