Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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