this beer tastes like vomit already
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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