i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
