i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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