Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
