dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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